You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
