i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
