he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
