Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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