Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
