I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
