we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize