Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
