there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize