You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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