i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
