you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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