I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
