new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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