hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
