bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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