I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
