standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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