3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
