Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
