sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
