What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
