so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
