upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
