Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well you can't waste a boner
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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