what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
