You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
