the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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