I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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