He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
