Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
