i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
