You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
