I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am available for nakedness
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
