I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize