I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
