It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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