I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
