Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
