I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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