so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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