Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
