The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
