i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
