and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize