I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
