I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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