she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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