Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
