Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
