The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
