Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize