i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
