her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
