So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
