and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize