Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
