You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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