Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
