Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize