I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
