saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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