i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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