It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
