i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
