the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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