He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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