i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
