the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
