I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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