Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
