Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
