I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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