We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
