STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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